The trouble with love is
by JaneMarie23
Summary: Edward is fighting the emotional battle of the love he holds for Bella and her desire to become a vampire.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

**Divulge**

I stared into her deep brown eyes, shivering as I saw the pain they held. She wanted more than anything to become a monster, and it sickened me. "Will this argument ever end?" I asked not really wanting to know what would come from her perfect lips.

"It will end…someday…" she trailed off looking away; I knew what she was implying. Fury coursed through my veins as I eyed her up and down, as much as I wanted to spend eternity with this angel that stood before me, brown hair blowing in the wind, biting her lip from saying anything more that might upset me, I didn't want to see her loose everything because of me.

Everyone was pretty keen on allowing Bella what she wanted, there was only one protestor amongst my family, Rosalie, and I was grateful for an instant that she actually took my side. She would give anything to be human again, and I was sure she thought that Bella would regret the decision later, even if I couldn't read it in her thoughts.

"Can't we just spend time together, just once, without plotting out the end of your life?" I tried to smile, even though I knew she could tell I was still smoldering inside with the fight between wanting to be with Bella forever and the other that just wanted her to live a normal life, soul intact.

She nodded knowing that it was a lost cause, at least for today. "Where are we going anyway?" She asked spying the woods for clues of a familiar location. We had stopped at a large rock in the middle of the forest to have the little dispute about her existence, and now we continued at a slow human snail like pace up the trails leading us to somewhere she had never been before.

"Somewhere…special" yeah that's the right word I thought to myself. Confusion spread on her face as she smiled up at me. It still shocked me that she could walk alone in the dark woods, with a vampire, where no one would be able to hear a thing if I lost the control, I so desperately needed when I was with her. She was so trusting, and was not frightened by the things that she should've been afraid of.

"Special?" She questioned me with more curiosity in her voice, stumbling over a rock. I caught her arm in and instant and stood her back up on her own two clumsy feet.

The conversation continued like nothing out of the ordinary happened, but it wasn't out of the ordinary for Bella to fall and hurt herself somehow.

"Yes, I wanted you to see a place I come fairly often, I think you will like it" I looked down to see her smile once more, and it appeared bigger after I flashed her my teeth. She had a way of making me smile without even knowing I was performing the action.

"You see," I tried to explain, "When I want to be alone with my thoughts, only my thoughts I come here. Usually I can tune out the voices that intrude from every direction, but sometimes it's not easily done."

"So," I continued. "I come here to think about what I want without any interruptions."

"What do you think about?" She asked curiosity blazed on her face. It was hard for me still to not be able to read her mind, and in an instant I could tell it bothered her that she couldn't read my thoughts as well.

"It's complicated" I simply stated. Not wanting to admit that I came here frequently to think about what a mess I've made of her life. How I had complicated it so much, I was looking for an easy solution to fix everything, but had come up with nothing.

She looked up at me with frustration waiting for me to say more, but I'm not sure if I could without spilling every worry that lingered in my mind, and starting the argument again that we had moments ago. "Us" I simply stated.

This had made her smile, and it pained me that we had grown so close over such a small amount of time. But she needed me, almost as much as I needed her. I needed to make sure she was safe, and that was my deluded reason to stay very close to her, just in case.

Bella was very drawn to mishaps and I wasn't about to stand by and let her get hurt, even though I was hurting her even more by staying close, and she didn't even realize it.

"I think about us too" She seemed to be talking to herself instead of me when she said it.

I gulped. Yes, we were much too deep now.

"Close your eyes"

I glanced at her, "I'm going to fall if I don't keep my eyes open" she said sheepishly. "I won't let that happen." And she knew that by now I'm sure.

She closed her eyes now and it bothered me that I wouldn't get to see them, even if it was for a short about of time. I gently pulled by hands towards her waist and guided her a few feet to the perfect spot. She still kept her eyes closed, her cheeks flushed.

"You can open them now"

As she did her face grew from one shade of pink to another faster than I thought possible. She gazed the surroundings and than spoke so enthusiastically. "It's so beautiful" she took another step forward.

Before us was a large waterfall, that not too many humans in the area knew about, and I was grateful for that. The water was crushing down on the tiny rocks bellow and I was sure she should've had some clue from the noise that it made gushing over us both.

I just watched her as she expanded her eyes to everything insight. I was enjoying the expression that played on her face, of sheer astonishment that there was something beautiful in Forks.

"You like it than?" I asked smugly.

"Yes!" She breathed and came rushing over to me.

"So this is where you come when you aren't with me" She said sort of complacently.

There was a moment of silence, aside from the crashing noise the water made. My eyes were only on her despite the beauty that surrounded us. She was the most beautiful thing in site, I couldn't deny that.

"What do you think about here, I know you said us…?" She trailed off trying to find the right words to say. "But I was just wondering, what about us? You said it was complicated." I was hoping I would have more time to prepare myself for what I was about to do, but I had thought about it long and hard and I knew I couldn't stand staying away from Isabella Swan.

"It is, you see I don't want you to miss out on anything" She looked like she was about to blurt something out, but I raised my hand, "allow me to finish."

"You shouldn't have to miss out on being normal because of me, I wasn't expecting to feel this way about you Bella, and I wasn't expecting to have to feel so protective of you." My eyes trailed off in the distance, maybe if I didn't look at her, it would make this easier somehow. I paused, not sure how I would say it. But there was only one way I could say it and it was simple, "You see Bella, I have fallen in love with you".

She looked at me in disbelief, which puzzled me. I was sure that it was obvious and I was just stating the facts to her.

She looked at me than to the ground, mossy and wet, than back to my face. Her cheeks flushed again crimson. "I love you too" she whispered.

Just what I didn't want and wanted at the same time. I wanted her to be scared off from the beginning; I wanted her to be frightened of me physically. Now I tried to scare her emotionally by wearing my heart on my sleeve and she still didn't budge from her bravery.

She saw the torment plastered on my pasty white skin. "What's wrong?" she asked, raising one hand as if to touch me, than dropped it to her side. "This is wrong" I stated matter of factly, and it was because she was in even more danger now. Not only was she standing next to a vampire that thirsted for her blood, but she was now emotionally entwined with me.

Her face seemed hurt by what I had just said, but she must've known on some level that it was the truth because I could see it in her eyes. I wondered for a moment if she was thinking about the same things I often thought about in this tranquil place. She answered the questions that raced through my mind as last.

"I'm happy, is that wrong?" She was happy to be standing here with me, a monster. I wanted so badly to make her happy and it came so easy, aside from the sharp sting that was burning my throat. "Not right now" It wasn't wrong at the moment. I was making her happy even if it was only temporary. I lightened the mood by walking to the waters edge, splashing water in her direction, it worked and the rest of the day we didn't mention the troubled thoughts that coursed through my mind and most likely hers as well. We would enjoy the precious time we did have together, it seemed small to me as an immortal and even though she was human it probably seemed like every second flew by with me by her side.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Contemplation

That night after I left her to her dreams, I wished desperately that I could leave reality and become unconscious and not have the weight of my thoughts crushing me. I wanted to be able to dream, and only of her. I sat at the grand piano and gazed out the huge glass pane that exposed the vast forest that our house was entrenched in.

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were all out for the night, they went hunting together. Esme was arranging flowers in the kitchen, _Poor boy, if only there was a simple solution to all this, I'm so happy he has finally found someone. _I tuned her out, and began to play a piece that I had written for Bella. It calmed me in an instant, and I forced myself not to read the mind that was happy I had found love, but in a human. They were so accepting of the fact, and I had to admit that it helped a little.

I stopped; she had put her hand on my shoulder and smiled down at me. _You'll do the right thing. _How did she have such confidence in me? Why couldn't anyone but myself realize the danger that was displayed before me?

I slumped, "I don't know what to do." I grimaced at the keys. "The bottom line is that you love her, what would you be doing if you were human?" I didn't have to answer because the rest of her thoughts answered the question. I shook my head, she couldn't be serious. How could she be? I would've done what she was thinking already if I were human as well, and the way her thoughts threw all complications out the window made me believe that it was possible and I could have what I wanted. I began to plan in my head. Suddenly the floor flung open, pulling a gush of air in our direction. The pixie like girl bounced towards me with a smile on her face. She sat beside me and put her arm over my shoulder. I looked at her with unease. Alice knew exactly what I was planning in my head, and oddly it looked even better in her thoughts than in mine.

"What is she going to say?" I asked, and she closed her eyes in concentration. As soon as she opened her lids I didn't have to question her. My face went blank and she saw the sign of disappointment plastered to it, and so did Esme. "The future changes so rapidly Edward," She nudged me in the side, "give it a shot".

I had to try and they were right, it's what I wanted, and maybe after explaining things to Bella it would be what she would want too. I stood up staring at the faces smiling at me, not wanted to hear the thoughts that exchanged from their minds to mine. I ran out the door as fast I could to the waterfall to find a way to make my intentions clear. How would I declare my undeniable love to Bella without scaring her? The face in Alice's thoughts shot shivers down my spine. I knew that if I were asleep right now, that face would have been in my dreams, and I was once again grateful that I couldn't sleep, that I wouldn't have to endure the nightmares that surely would have been raging my dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

COMPROMISE

I wanted to wait until the perfect time to say what I needed to say to my Bella. I wasn't scared of anything, except for maybe losing the most important thing in my life, her.

I took my time getting to her house in the early morning hour; the sun was just breaking the horizon as I made my way through the front lawn. The dew soaked grass kissing the cuffs of my pants. I climbed up in through her window with little effort, and sat in the rocking chair watching her breath in and out.

I focused on what I was going to say, trying desperately not to think of the image I saw from Alice's vision. Maybe I should wait? I quickly shied away from that idea was it really going to change the way she felt about this? No, so I just needed to do it and get it over with. I thought about going over to the bed and shaking it a tad, just to get her to wake up so I could have the weight lifted from my chest. I didn't need to though, because a second later she opened her lids revealing the most magnificent brown eyes I had ever seen. She yawned and looked up at me, not even startled by my presence. She just smiled at me.

"Good morning" I said getting up to sit with her in bed.

She snuggled close to me; I leaned my head on hers and smelled her hair, even though it set spirals of pain down my throat it was worth every second.

"Where were you?" She asked now looking up at me, she had noticed I didn't stay the night with her, and she looked like a puppy that was just abandoned, I wouldn't have been surprised if I were to hear a whimper come from her throat. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking…" I trailed off not sure what else to say.

"You've been doing a lot of that lately." She chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh as well. She noticed everything. She continued, "May I ask what you were thinking about this time?" There was a glimmer of hope in her voice, but not the hope for the same thing I had in mind.

I made a grimace, but it disappeared before she could look up at me. She was waiting and I finally spoke, "Bella, you know that I love you, and I want to ask you something I've been waiting decades to ask someone, I just was waiting on the right person, and I finally found her." I got up off the bed to stand in front of her, confusion streaked across her pale face, and I knelt down on one knee. "Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?" I held out the box in my palm to her and waited. Slowly the face that I dreaded appeared, creeping onto her face and her expression pained me.

"What?" she finally spoke, obvious shock in the back of her throat. "Why? Who me? What??" She wasn't making any sense. She kept babbling until I could stop her.

"I know it's a little soon, but I would've done it by now if I were human too and I think that it is right, committing ourselves to each other_ forever._"

She repeated one word from the ones I had just recited, "Forever" she said trailing off, and desperately I wanted to be able to read her mind, to know where she was going with the word. "Does this mean…"

Oh, I realized where she went with the word, "Until death do us part" I suggested.

"No, until my death parts us Edward!" she was instantly angry. Tears began to grow in her eyes and fall to the hands I held in her lap. The ring sat on her lap as well, and she stared at it sitting between her fragile wrists. "I didn't mean to upset you with all of this" I finally said, the silence aside from her sniffles made me feel worse and worse about what I had just done.

She sat still for a moment and gently let my hands go to investigate ring that sat snugly in the velvet covered box. "It's so beautiful" she said while wiping a tear from her cheek. "It's just a lot to think about Edward, I love you so much, and I think if we were both human I would be saying yes right now, but I don't want to marry you knowing that eventually you'll be a widow."

I laughed under my breath quietly so she wouldn't notice, but unfortunately she looked at me with a frown, "what's so funny about that Edward" she got just as angry as she was before.

"It's not the concept that is funny, it's just that I wouldn't be a widow because I'm not a woman, I would be a widower." I sighed and smiled at her, and she flushed a shade of red deeper than the one already sprayed on her skin. I couldn't tell if it was being so mad or that she was embarrassed at the wrong word she chose.

"Look", I said before she could interrupt me "What if I said I would change you if you married me, would that change or opinion on the matter?"

A look of deep concentration replaced the blush that held her cheeks and she looked past me, considering what I just offered her.

"Is this some sort of bribe?" was all she could manage. I laughed and looked at her eyes, they seemed confused. "I wouldn't call it a bribe, I consider it a compromise, you get something you want, and I would get something I want."

She sighed, and I couldn't tell if it was from frustration with the topic on hand, or that she had given in to my suggestion. "So…" I trailed off trying to read the expression on her face. "I'll think about it" was all she said, than stood up and walked out the door, walking downstairs to get some breakfast; I would wait for her return. I picked up the book on her nightstand and shuffled through it.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It took Bella what seemed like an eternity to come back upstairs, she was taking her time at breakfast, even though she was hardly talking to Charlie.

_She looks like she has a lot on her mind this morning, I hope it doesn't have to do with any of the boys in town, I don't think I'm ready for that yet. But she is growing up. _

As Charlie rambled on, his thoughts trying to figure out why Bella was taking so long to eat, I was examining her face in Charlie's thoughts. She had a face of fierce concentration and a hint of sadness peaked through. I asked her to marry me and if she did, I would turn her into one of us. Bella didn't want to be married, and I'm sure there were plenty of reasons behind it. So was it fair of me to ask her to marry me even when she really didn't want to? Why would she want to marry a monster like me? How would she explain it to the man sitting across from her or her mother in Florida?

I wasn't even reading the book that was between my fingers when she finally entered the room; I just stared at the lines on the page, running all the horrible questions through my mind.

I looked up and met her warm brown eyes; she stared into me now like I was a puzzle. "Are you sure you want to marry me?" Her gaze broke from me the second the words came from her lips. "What kind of question is that Bella? If I didn't want to marry you I wouldn't have asked you." It was that simple, how in the world couldn't she see that.

"It's just that you…you are so wonderful in every way possible, I don't understand how someone like you would choose someone like me." She broke off now, trying to read the expression on my face. I was smiling now, because it wasn't that she thought I was a monster at all, it was because she thought herself unworthy of my love. This was typical Bella.

"When are you going to realize how amazing you actually are?" I shook my head, trying to hold back the laughter that came from my relief. Without answering my question she came running into my arms. "Of course, Of course I'll marry you Edward!" She squeezed me now with all her of strength, but I barely felt her embrace. She began shaking in my lap, tears rolling down her face. "Are you alright?" I lifted her chin to peer into her tear soaked face. "I'm fine, just so happy…"

"Tears of joy?" I asked whipping them away. "Yes, because everything is finally coming together for us. I'm going to be with you forever, and that's all I want."

She stayed in my arms without saying a word, until finally she was still. I broke the silence, even though it was perfect with her so close.

"So, do you want to tell my family first? Or yours?" I smiled down at her.

"Your family probably already knows." Was all she said and pressed herself even tighter to my chest.


End file.
